The Devil’s Details: Exclusive Edition

Grandmothers. Loving, caring, in some cases parenting individuals whom you’d like to relax with, accompanied by some hot cocoa and gingerbread cookies. Generally far less strict than your own parents, even verging on spoiling their grandchildren. From random pieces of candy to toys on rainy days, their acts of kindness are something to admire and appreciate. Unfortunately, this giving nature turns ugly every birthday and Christmas. Their internal gift-giving mechanism seems to sputter and revolve off kilter and causes them to choose the worst gifts possible. Tube socks, fruit cakes, a solitary softball (no bat or gloves…just the ball), sweaters either too small or too hot, anything made of the itchy wool variety your parents expect you to wear every time they visit; the list goes on. Why this happens, I’m still not sure. Maybe the gifts are things they would like or even received while they were growing up. Sadly, times have changed quickly even from the 80s, let alone the 50s, and what made good gifts then aren’t exactly good gifts now.

I always accepted these gifts with a warm “Thank-you” and a genuinely forced smile and never snubbed or dismissed the presents. She either made these gifts or bought them on a limited budget, and I was always thankful no matter what they were. Of course I may have preferred my uncle’s gifts that were a bit more…high tech, but it never changed the fact that I appreciated what I received. And then my younger cousin ended up getting a Playstation 2 game for Christmas one year, and turned the whole process on its end.

Why did he get a video game when I only got some mittens?! This blasts the whole concept of “she’s a little behind the times, but cares all the same” out the chuffin’ window! This was blasphemy! This was personal. (I’m not talking about a bargain bin game that was made by some ripoff company and has been out for ten years, oh no. This was a brand new game, hot off the shelf and in his PS2 in less than two weeks.) Why the HELL does he have gaming goodness and I’m stuck with itchy mittens?!

Sadly, I never did find out why. (Though when I told a close cousin of mine about it, he reacted the same way I did, so at least I’m not alone in flagging this play as quality bull manure.) This has only happened that one year to my knowledge, as she now gives out gift cards to save time and simplify things. Why I got stuck with Kohl’s and my close cousin got Walmart last year is a mystery. (I tried trading gift cards with him, but alas, a Necco wafer is hardly worth a Payday.) While the PS2 game fiasco is still engraved in my “What the hell was THAT?” memory collection, I sit back and wonder why. Not “why didn’t I get a game”, as I could go out and buy one should I want it that badly. Was it the sheer shock of it? Partly, but not for that reason alone. It was that out of all the grandchildren my grandmother has, she only gave one of them a video game, ever. Thus making it a rare and sought after item. Since it was a one time event, it would not happen again, making it Exclusive.

Exclusive Items

This week’s Detail is Exclusive Items. (Yes that made as much grammatical sense as The Lone Rangers, but you’ll live.) While other games also offer these items, you won’t be seeing any baby blue dragons flying around as pets in WAR. Most of you probably noticed the Collectors Edition and Pre-Order Exclusives, so I’ll only briefly touch down on them.

See those goofy looking people partied up with you in Tier 1 or 2 scenarios? No, not the elves silly! They always look like that…I meant the people with different looking heads! The most visible one is the Chaos head in my opinion, which has three large eyes instead of the usual two. (And if it took you a while to remember most humans have two eyes, you might want to stop going to the Inevitable City so often…) Generally speaking, if the person has an odd looking head that causes a double take, they probably have a Collectors Edition head on their toon.

Or they are an elf. Either or.

Preorder Exclusives

While less visible than the Collectors Exclusives, Preorderers got two. One, a special accessory, and  Rittenbach’s Portable Camp. The accessory not only gives +2 to all stats, but also comes with two charges that increase your damage a little bit for five minutes each. You can’t repair these charges once used, so even though I have long since upgraded past these items, I still have yet to use a charge. I don’t even know if it gives off a graphic, it’s Exclusive! I’z not gunna waste deh Shines!

As for the portable camp, this I have used. I have seen some daring players even throw this down in scenarios to help bunker down a defensive position. I tend to be on the move too much from quest to quest to really use this item to it’s fullest, but maybe during keep sieges/defenses I’ll throw this sucker down when the action starts ramping up.

Now, there was this little mini-game called Road to WAR Mythic had up for a few weeks before the game launched. Because I played on the winning side, I got additional Exclusives. First off, I got this handy, this dandy, Bottomless Bowl of Custard.  Lets you throw a custard pie (which I’ve never had, but sounds yummy) at someone once every five minutes. Nifty little goof-off item, even lets the person you threw it at, throw it at someone else. I think that’s as far as the chain goes, but I haven’t participated in a custard throwing event yet, so the jury is out on this one. By accepting this item in the mail you also unlock the title “Road Warrior”. Nifty, no?

Finally, and most exclusive of all: The Signet of the Cursed Company. This item was hinted at all the time while Road to WAR was up, but also with the information that only 200 per side were going to get their hands on this. Somehow the ritualistic sacrifices paid off, and I ended up getting one. The cool thing is it turns you into a skeleton version of a Knights of the Blazing Sun. (The helmet with half a peacock in it kinda gives it away…unless it’s the reanimated bones of Yankee Doodle.)  While playing as a skeleton, everything you cast and activate just looks bad ass.  Something about a skeleton that looks like it’s angry with special effects shooting out from all over the place make it look cool, yet intimidating.  Furthermore, you also unlock the title “King of the Road.” The mail the game sends you to loot this item sums up the awesome on this exclusive:

“To truly dedicate yourself to a cause is to set yourself a champion apart. You will be shunned even as you are honored, for few can understand the will it takes for such devotion.”

Without further adieu, onto the Haiku…s.  Haikus. 

Why am I so cold?
Did I open a window?
Doh! I’m a skele’.

Using the Signet
I view my casting poses,
And giggle like mad.

Three skele’ Haikus?
Can one accomplish that task?
You bet I can, man.

Burn!  Burn for the Burn God!  Mwahaha…wha?  There is no “Burn God?”  Dude!  Way to buzz kill, man! GG!